Past, Present, Future

I believe we are being guided by someone(s), and that when we were born, and our bodies can tell so much about ourselves.

My sister gave me a diary for Christmas when I was 10. I think it was the first time I saw astrology listings and descriptions. I’m a Taurus (4/22) born in the cusp of Aries. One is a homebody, and the other very social. Two very different personalities and I used to say “I’m a loner who likes to go out and meet people” or “I’m a partier who’d rather be home!” 2 different lives.

In my late 20s, shortly after my mother died, and after I met my future husband (and they were linked spiritually), I had a palm reading done. It was my first experience with this and it was very enlightening in that it saw an inner turmoil inside me. Although I was working on the belief of “don’t reveal too much because they’ll jump on that”, in hindsight it’s what has followed me for almost 35 years.

She talked about my “closed throat” and asked questions as to why I thought that was. Of course, I had no idea. I’d never been a talker of emotions until I had a few beers in me and then watch out!, you’d be looking for your exit moment. I really thought it just all related to my leaving and I guess thoughts left unsaid with that and with my mother’s passing.

Since then I’ve met with mediums who have brought forth my parents along with other ancestors. For my first reading I was told to bring questions for them, but I had no idea what type of questions! I really didn’t want a prediction of the future! But even without questions, the multitude of people who said “hello” was astonishing, and comforting.

Subsequent readings have brought forth my parents and my mother in law. My father has given business advice “yes daddy, you did know what you were talking about”; my mother to let me know “you have always been like this honey – taking everything on and holding everything in, and just caring too much about everyone else.”

My palm reading showed two life lines. I interpreted that at the time to mean my life with my family and my life with friends, or maybe my new life ahead when in 2 weeks I was moving from Connecticut to California to live with my future husband whom I met on vacation! Not so fast….

Years later I bought an astrology book that took the date, location, and time you were born and you map out your charts. Based on that, there is a section on the self you show to the world and your inner self. Mine are absolute opposites. It would make you wonder how can that be? They’d have to be a Jekyll and Hyde! Remember those 2 life lines?

Yesterday I had a tarot card reading at an event in Southington. I had never met Joanne before but I liked her face in her picture and the time worked! When I walked in, she said a red Fox came in with me. And not a little one, it was big! A quick search shows it signifies “you take your time and are cautious about your approach to life” – very true, very intriguing!

She immediately saw conflict within me. She sensed in my professional life that I’m “a force” but in my personal life I was to retreat and be a wallflower “don’t look at me”. I need to work to find balance between the two. Remember those 2 life lines?

After picking my favorite number and color (which was numerology and which deck to use), she shuffled the deck 7 times and each time read what she saw in the shuffle before she neatened them. Each was very enlightening and never once did I think “nah, you got that wrong”.

Then it was on to three card reading – past, present, future. I gave her to them in the order I pulled them. What did they reveal?

My present card revealed excitement “eat, drink, and be merry” while my future card revealed my need to carry everything bottled up inside of me. 2 lives. The forceful professional me, and the retreating personal me. Which is even the “real” me? The problem is, I can’t do that to myself anymore. I’ve got to open up that “closed throat” and share my pain as well as my excitement. Through conversations, through writing, through meditation, and I think (and Joanne said it would be wise to), through therapy.

I’m hoping this is a new beginning for me. I already know there are no accidental meetings! I was meant to go yesterday, I was meant to have this reading to put the pieces together and know I have to follow the signs to being those 2 lives into 1 strong life.