I was the first to read my story aloud in my writers’ guild session.
I was never one to do that, take the leap, stand in judgement first. I would do all I could to avoid the eye of the teacher, or anyone, just hoping someone else would go first and break the ice.
Something has changed within me (no, I’m not Glinda or Elphaba!) and I am no longer reluctant. I want to share what I have written, or share my thoughts. This was not the first time I offered to go first either. I was in a journaling class and the teacher asked if anyone wanted to read. People were silent, so I said I would.
What I find is, if I go, I don’t have to spend my time worrying as I wait to go! It just takes all the agony out of it and also makes others comfortable that someone else broke the ice.
My piece got good reviews, the class had good feelings about what I wrote. They did suggest more information on the home, and descriptive information. Someone said “show don’t tell”, which I can agree with but the limit was 500 words and I was already pushing 480 with what I had! I appreciate their thoughts and will work on that in my next piece.
Some of the stories were a family’s trip to watch their son graduated from Marine bootcamp, a scene from a screenplay being written, a fantasy dungeons and dragons type story, an article on creativity, and a poem that this young lady wrote on writers block that was amazing and she wrote it that afternoon!
It is an interesting program, just one evening a month, but it makes me think in terms of what I’m writing and have I provided enough to bring a reader into the story.
The following is my story from class. I would call it “historical fiction” as it’s the true story of my grandmother with imagination thrown in.
On that April morning in 1927, Antonia knew something was not quite right. Five months pregnant with her 6th child, she knew how she was supposed to feel and this wasn’t it.
She lay in bed and her thoughts drifted back to the day she arrived in America 17 years ago. She had just spent 9 days on a ship from Bremen Germany but didn’t give it a thought. She was just so excited to see her sister Aniela, her brother-in-law Josef, and their four children. The next part of her trip would be a train ride from New York to Springfield Massachusetts and then the local train to Palmer where Josef would be waiting for her at the station. “Oj,” she thought, coming back to present day, “time enough for daydreaming later, I need to get ready for the day.”
Out of bed, she roused her husband and children. Charles was still working this week at least. Ever since returning from France at the end of the war, he hadn’t been the same and she missed him. He survived the trenches, but the head wound from a train accident on the way to the coast almost killed him. The nasty scar was on the outside, but she wondered what happened to his brain on the inside.
After breakfast, Charles went off to work, and Steven, Helen, and Walter went off to school. That left John, her 3-year-old home but the way she felt, she asked Eddie if he could stay home too. At 12, Eddie was more than happy to stay home! She went about her morning chores, while Eddie kept John occupied.
By early afternoon, the pain in her belly was increasing. “Eddie! Run and get the midwife to come here. Then head to the factory and get your father!” Eddie jumped up and ran out the door. “Come Johnny, let’s get you to bed for your nap”. She nudged her son along to the bedroom and got him settled in bed and oh how she wanted to climb in next to him!
The midwife arrived, looked at her, and knew they needed to go to the hospital. A few minutes later, Eddie and Charles arrived. “We’re off to the hospital; She’ll be fine once we get a doctor to look at her.” Antonia kissed her husband and son and reminded them that the other children would be home soon. “Tell them I love them and I love you too.” She could see the worry in their faces as she left.
Charles got the children fed and then headed to the hospital that evening. Antonia was lying in bed, looking pale and tired. “I’m ok, I’m ok! Maybe I just need a little rest.” Give my babies a kiss and I’ll see you all tomorrow.” He gave her a kiss and left, not knowing it would be the last time he saw her.
What do you think? Did I draw you in to her story? If you’re interested in reading about my family, you can find it at It’s All About Family.
