Category: thoughts

Posted in 2025, life, thoughts

4 AM

Posted on by nancyb422

Worry and fear fly into the room and enter my brain at 4am. I should be enjoying the final hour and 15 minutes of a good night’s sleep but instead in find myself awake giving them the opening to appear.

Bills.business.life.health.travel.bills.job delays.bills. Over and over again.

I turn to my left side and recite the Lords Prayer. I try a little ‘God’s got me the palm of his hand‘. Nope.

I rotate like a pig on a spit to my right side. Happy memories? Upcoming adventures? Nope.

it’s 4:30. I realize the problem is, I’m THINKING. Everything involves my brain thinking. Turn it off.turn it off. It won’t shut off.

Then suddenly, I’m younger, alone and driving trying to get home. I don’t know where I am but (in the morning light), I think it’s in a town nearby. I’m driving up a hill, stop when I can’t go anymore and leave my car. Where do I go? Suddenly, I’m taking a yoga class. Then I’m at home with my husband and Vince Vaughn and his sister (?!) stop by to look at our house. She and I talk about needlepoint. I’m called away from yoga by my friend Sherri who died a few years ago to go see a young girl who was in the elementary school I worked at. When I go back, yoga is over so I pack up my belongings and suddenly I’m back at my car. People are picnicking in the area. I look over and my car door is open. Someone broke in but the people nearby say all they saw was people commenting about the car. I head over to look.

I hear a noise. It’s my alarm at 5:45am. I press the button on my phone to turn it off and lay there to calm the feeling in my body from the alarm.

Time to start my day.

Posted in 2025, Books, life, thoughts, Writing

Why Write?

Posted on by nancyb422

Why Bother
Because right now
there is someone
Out there with
a wound in the exact shape
of your words
— Sean Thomas Dougherty 2018

I heard this poem this past week while attending an author talk by Monica Woods for our town’s “One Book, One Wallingford”. The participants in the program read her book “How To Read A Book”.

She recited this poem when discussing her journey in writing. She had a manuscript for her book “The One-In-A-Million Boy” which was rejected in 2008 (or so). She tossed it in a drawer and her husband kept encouraging her to send it to another publisher. She didn’t, but in the meantime wrote a memoir, “When we were the Kennedys” and a play! Her husband kept encouraging her to re-submit it. But next she wrote “How To Read A Book”. Then, she submitted the cast-away manuscript and it was published.

I have no plan to write a book but her story and the poem she recited really struck me because I alternate between writing, and wondering why I write. Who cares what I have to say or feel? Who am I to feel like anything I say matters?

Reading that poem encourages me to continue to write and hope that someone out there nods in agreement or at least pauses to contemplate my words.

Posted in 2025, family, Home, life, Memories, thoughts, Writing

Desserts

Posted on by nancyb422

Tonight on Spring Baking Championship on HGTV, one of the challenges was for the bakers to elevate one of their favorite childhood desserts. That got me thinking about MY favorite childhood desserts.

My uncle on my mother’s side was a baker. I don’t know if he learned his trade in the army or by osmosis from my grandmother. He owned his own bakery for a few years and, after closing it, worked first at the local prep school, until finally settling in as the baker at Masonic Home and Hospital, a rehabilitation hospital and nursing home for people who were members of the Masonic Temple Association.

This man made the most INCREDIBLE baked goods. It’s amazing that he could make hundreds of desserts for the people at Masonic using these huge tubs for the dough and ovens to bake in and each one tasted as delicious as if it was one of only a dozen.

My favorites were his chocolate eclairs. They were all one piece filled with cream and delicious chocolate on top.

Chocolate Eclair (from the internet)

His cream puffs! Oh my word! Filled with delightful air pockets stuffed with cream.

Cream Puffs (internet photo)

He also made something called a Hermit Cookie. I found it quickly online. They were square bar cookies with ginger and molasses and raisins. One version I found is called New England Hermit Cookie Bar with the story that they date back to the Pilgrims and they were good for travel because they were dense and stayed moist for up to two weeks! Maybe his mother, my grandmother, brought the recipe with her when she immigrated from the Galician area of Poland in the early 1900s!

From thelemonbowl.com recipe

I do remember my uncle’s Hermit cookies being overall dark like the inside of this one.

In addition to his job and making desserts for family events, he made the wedding cakes for my mother, and for my cousin.

We did not have homemade desserts in our house. They were store bought cookies and pastries. My mother worked full time and she wasn’t really a baker, with the exception of the four layer chocolate cake with whipped cream filling and chocolate frosting we requested for our family birthday parties! She never said no! There would always be cake left over and we would eat that until there wasn’t a crumb left anywhere.

I do love my desserts!

What’s your favorite childhood dessert? Tell me!

Posted in 2025, life, thoughts, Writing

My Mood

Posted on by nancyb422

Grey skies and rain for days…

The news of the US….

Social Media….

Combined, they have put me into a mood and I imagine one of those rain clouds is hanging over my head.

There’s only one I can’t do anything about and that’s the weather.

But, if I don’t read everything, I’ll miss out! I really suffer with that mentality.

The weatherman says we’ll see sunshine on Sunday.

I don’t see the news or social media getting any brighter.

Posted in 2025, family, Home, life, thoughts, Writing

Pizza

Posted on by nancyb422

I love pizza. I could eat pizza every day. My stomach and intestines might have something to say about that since doughy stuff and them are not always a happy couple.

My dad used to work until 9pm on Friday nights at the paint store and for dinner he’d buy a small sausage pizza from Verdolini’s. He’d bring home the leftovers and my sisters and I had them for lunch on Saturday.

Verdolini’s, Meriden, Connecticut

We live 20 minutes away from the town that gives Connecticut the (self-given) title “Pizza Capital of the World”. That would be New Haven, the home of Pepe’s pizza, Sally’s Pizza, Modern Pizza, and one of my favorites, De Legna x Nolo.

dinner at Pepe’s Pizza in March for my husband’s birthday

But even closer to home are some excellent pizza places! Right down the road is Fabi’s and in the next town The Bar.

I think the best pizza has a super thin crust, and I don’t mind a char on the bottom. Usually my husband and I will get our own small pizzas in which case mine is a white pizza (no sauce) with eggplant and ricotta cheese. There is mozzarella on there too of course! My husband usually gets a sausage or a pepperoni.

If we’re ordering with a group, I always make sure there is a white pizza and other than that, will eat whatever is ordered!

The Bar white eggplant and ricotta pizza

I liked that this pizza has 9 pieces which means I can eat 6 pieces (thin crust remember? – you can eat more!) and still have enough for lunch the next day.

What is your favorite kind of pizza? Do you like think or thick crust?

Posted in 2025, life, thoughts, Writing

Money

Posted on by nancyb422

“Money, Money, Money, always sunny, in the rich man’s world” – ABBA 1976

If/when you wake up in the middle of the night, what’s the first thing that pops into your mind?

Mine is MONEY. Why money you ask? Because I’m always paying bills. I have a payroll to process every week, bills for materials and other on-job expenses, bills for vehicle loans, and bills for overhead expenses like the phone service and anything else that keeps our doors open and lights on (electric bill!).

At 3:30 am, if my brain rises out of whatever phase of sleep nearest to awake, my mind says “do you have enough money?” and something inside gives my heart a little squeeze. If I’m too much awake, I’ll head to the bathroom for a change of scenery. Sometimes I can snuggle back into my pillow, say a little prayer of thanksgiving for my bed, my house, etc. and very soon, I’ve fallen back to sleep.

Do you have a particular thought that pops into your brain if you wake up in the middle of the night?

Posted in 2025, Business, family, life, Memories, thoughts, Writing

Math

Posted on by nancyb422

“I expect my mother’s fear of decimal currency was related to her dislike of math, which is a common fear often dating back to a cruel teacher.” – Cherry in Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty.

Oh, that hit me right in the memories!

I don’t think Sister Holly Jean my third grade teacher at Holy Trinity School was intentionally being mean. There were two math groups and two reading groups, and when you’ve already spent 2 years with the same kids, you know which is which.

I bounced back and forth between those two math groups throughout 3rd grade. Long division was my nemesis! Carrying the what because it’s not equal where? My mother brought home waste letter paper from work and filled them with division problems for me to solve.

I survived third grade math but I was never the same afterwards. Math just continued to beat me down year after year. Algebra, Geometry, even review math in 12th grade was a struggle.

Ironically, I really enjoyed Accounting in high school and college and handle the (Quick)books for our company.

Hand me the calculator!

Posted in 2025, Home, life, Religion, thoughts, Writing

Our Father Who Art in Heaven

Posted on by nancyb422

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

I have to work hard to brush away negative and worrying thoughts.

I’m learning to rely on faith.

Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Nights when I wake up at 3am and the first thing that pops into my mind is something about work, I roll over and I pray. It pushes out the worry and negativity and I fall back to sleep.

During the day if I start to worry, I just talk to God and thank him for the day, the weather, my home, whatever!

Posted in 2025, family, Home, life, Memories, thoughts, Writing

My Routine Has Changed

Posted on by nancyb422

Last Tuesday, our dog Wally passed away. I wrote about it on my family stories site.

Now when I come downstairs in the morning, there are no pee pads to check (and no floor surveillance!) and no breakfast to make.

Some days he’d be waiting for me and other days, he slept for a few more hours but my routine was always the same.

I continue to say “Good Morning” and “Good Night” in the direction of his bed(s) and when I come into the house I still peek around the door to see if he’s there.

I know someday that will stop, but for now, I keep his spirit alive.

Wally in his early days 2012
Posted in 2025, life, Shower Thoughts, thoughts, Writing

Planned Parenthood

Posted on by nancyb422

I recently had my annual gynecologist appointment and it got me thinking….

I used Planned Parenthood in my early 20s when I had no idea where to go for my reproductive health.

My mother was still taking me and my sisters to our pediatrician in our teens and our last visit there was when we turned 18. I remember him telling my mother, “well, this will be the last time I see them.”After that, or even maybe even before, we probably should have started going to a gynecologist but no one ever initiated it. Not us, not my mother.

There was some risk involved being sexually active with no birth control and I got tired of taking that risk. But where do I go? I was not very good with talking about things I was uncomfortable with, or something that might get shot down or questioned. (I really don’t like to be questioned – if I finally speak up about something, I’ve usually made up my mind and I’m not looking for approval!).

Maybe someone where I work suggested it, maybe I found it on my own. But I found it and they were great. I got my annual checkups and my birth control there and it was affordable. I was glad they were there for me when I needed them.

As of 2022 there are more females than males in the United States. Every month once we hit puberty, we all (generalizing) go through the same thing. But yet, roadblocks are thrown up to prevent many women from getting the basic care they need. I was glad to read that Planned Parenthood has a presence in all 50 states. I think we need it more than ever.