There was about a decade, maybe a decade and a half, that I spent angry. Sometimes for something specific, but mostly subconsciously, which came out in the way I talked and acted, and reacted.
I don’t know when it specifically started but a large part of it had to do with my husband’s drinking. THERE, I’ve said it. He wasn’t “a drunk”, roaming the bars on weeknights, or even weekends, but he drank every day. And there was nothing I could do about it. It was after work, it was at home, but it was the hard stuff. Followed by a beer.
I felt powerless. I felt he was so much better than that. I felt anger and frustration and sadness.
Fast forward – he quit drinking and this August will be 8 years. And when he quit, I felt like he was an even better version of himself (and I loved him still before).
Back to the banana! This morning I walked into the kitchen after working out and saw the one banana. I knew I wanted to have my spinach smoothie that uses a banana. But he has oatmeal and I figured he would use the banana for his breakfast which he would prepare before I came back downstairs from my shower. Dilemma!
Do you know what the old me would have done? The old me would have hid the banana! Because it was my banana damn it! He didn’t deserve the banana! And I would have been so mad that there was only one banana, and at the time I was the grocery shopper!
And I laughed because my mind went back to that time when I was always so angry and I left the banana there and decided I would have my apple turmeric smoothie instead.
When I came back downstairs, I asked him if he wanted the banana and he said “no, that’s for you.” And I had the banana in my smoothie.
Thoughts From The Passenger Seat 