I found something today that really disturbed me. I knew it happened, I experienced it but reading it back from where I am now I wondered how I allowed myself to get there.
I found the notebook that I was keeping track of my weight from February of 2022 to October of 2022 just before we left on our cruise down the Seine from Paris to Normandy and back.
To take a step back, I have always “struggled” with my weight. In my January 1, 1970 diary entry when I was 10, I wrote that I was going to exercise every day! I’m 4’10”, I topped out at 4’11-3/4″ when I was in my teens (I’m 63). I do not consider myself petite – just short. Strong shoulders to balance out my hips or saddlebags as I referred to them. I wanted to wear long sweaters that just sat smooth and not hiked up on my butt. I was always exercising my legs to change the shape of my thighs.
My weight has bounced around the scale, never going past 132 – I think that was always my YIKES! weight. My lowest would have been 95 during the period we were caring for my mother after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. I have gained and lost the same 10-15 pounds probably 10 times. I can tell you how much I weighed if I saw a picture of myself from the past.
This particular time period – November of 2020 – I joined an online program led by a local nutritionist, a young woman whom I admire. I was the only one consistently on the zoom meetings. The program ran through the first week of January. Of course it was during Covid so we couldn’t even have our family Christmas party so no worries about mindless snacking!
I might have started out around 125 and on reviewing the notebook over the course of the winter and early spring I was down to a weekly average of 114. Then suddenly, the numbers start bouncing around. I can see now the disadvantage of weighing yourself every day!
By April 12, the day after Easter, I was up 2 pounds. Who weights themselves the day after Easter?? From there, it was just a steady climb to the 118s by June and low 120s in July. I had gone through the 8 weeks of meal plans she had given us and one time through was enough for my husband so it was tough. How do I take care of myself, but not have to cook 2 meals. It was a struggle.
Then the vacations started! Maine for a week in August, California for a week in September, a long weekend in Colorado 2 weeks later. I never thought about what I ate and I never had time to take anything I gained off. My last recorded weigh in with a date by it is Monday October 4th at 122.4. Three days before our flight to Paris. Once again, I was struggling to find clothes in my closet that I felt comfortable in and kicking myself all the way to Paris. Of course I still enjoyed the cruise and all the food it had to offer – I’d be a fool not too! It was delicious.
When we got home, my husband’s dad passed away and it was back to California 2 weeks later. By the time January 2023 rolled around I was up to 126.6.
I finally said ENOUGH and called the nutritionist right after January 1, and signed up for eight weeks with her one on one. We met every Tuesday and I logged in my meals and weight on the online program she used. We talked about situations and upcoming travel – California again! I planned what I was going to eat while I was there. I stopped buying anything that was going to tempt me to snack in the evenings. Most importantly, my husband got on board. And when he didn’t like something planned, I’d say “you’re having your burger tonight and I’m having this”. I stick with what I like (smoothies for breakfast), but make sure I have variety. Although I’ve had my Peloton since last August, and the working out is never an issue – it’s like breathing – I’ve become stronger, I do more strength workouts than riding and that has helped my clothes fit better as the weight has slowly dropped again.
Now I am down to 116.2 and I weigh myself only once a week. I enjoy myself if I have an event, but know I have to plan for reality the next day. I’m comfortable where I am and I feel like I finally have the tools to stay here.
I’m now going to take this notebook and tear those pages into tiny bits. It’s the past and I’m on the right track for the future.
Thoughts From The Passenger Seat 